Reasons and the Blue Box on the Street Corner
by When In Doubt Smile
Summary: Stranded in Pete's World, Rose Tyler makes a list. Years later, the Doctor comes to understand his companion a bit better. (Implied AU where Rose doesn't return to her universe and the events of "Turn Left" on don't happen.)


**Disclaimer: I was promised that if the world ended in 2012 I would get the rights to Doctor Who... Happy 2013! (Doctor Who is property of BBC. Nor do I own the awesome picture. As usual, if you own or know who owns the picture, let me know and I'll give them credit, take it down, whatever.)**

**Important Author's Note: The characters that you might recognize are parallel versions of the one's in the Doctor's universe. And Tony is the name of Rose's brother.**

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Reasons and the Blue Box on the Street Corner

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_ When the Doctor finally makes it to her world, ten years after she is stranded there, he finds that she died four months earlier. Jackie tells him tearfully that is was a car crash, her young son staring up at the time traveler that he has heard so much about. Nothing could have been done, she whispers, the death of her daughter still to painful to be spoken about any louder. When the Doctor asks for a moment to be alone, Jackie leads him to Rose's room. It's painted the same blue as the TARDIS and it takes all of the Doctor's strength to make it to Rose's desk before collapsing, tears finally spilling onto his cheeks. The walls are covered with pictures. He sees wedding pictures, parents holding their children, everything Rose Tyler deserved to have in her life. But none of them are her. It's not her in the white gown, not her tearfully holding her new-born daughter. It's her friends, or so the Doctor thinks. The bed is unmade and the closet door is open. If he hadn't known better he would have thought that she had just run to the kitchen to grab a bite to eat. _

_ It looks just like her room on the TARDIS._

_ Hours later he sees the list. It's just lying there on the desk, his tears smearing some of the words. Written in Rose's characteristic handwriting is the title: _My Reasons to Stay in Pete's World.

_ The Doctor was always too curious for his own good._

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My Reasons to Stay in Pete's World, by Rose Tyler

In grade eight, my English teacher told me that the best way for me to organize my thoughts was to write them in the form of a list. So, dear reader, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna write a list that maybe will convince me that this world is one worth staying in.

Reason Number One: The sunsets. I've been to millions of different times and worlds, and never have I seen sunsets as glorious as these. The way the sun sets the clouds alight and then how the color deepens to this purple that always takes my breath away; it's just beautiful. That's why I always go out onto the balcony, no matter where I am, to watch the sun, even if I am doomed to catch my death from cold (Mum!). This is the one thing that reminds me that this universe can be just as beautiful as whatever universe the Doctor is in. There may not be a Doctor here, no brilliant, fantastic TARDIS to take me away, but there is a sun that turns the clouds purple.

Reason Number Two: College. More specifically, this horrendous degree in quantum physics. Mum (since I know you will read this at some point), I know you think I'm just doing this for the Doctor, to get back to him, but I'm not. I want you to know that I'm doing it for you, to make sure that you can be proud of me, of who I managed to become. Mum, for twenty years you worked thankless, degrading jobs, went out with men that drank too much, gave up your own savings to put bread in the pantry and milk in the 'fridge. You gave up college, the education you wanted. But of all the things that you wanted that you gave up, Mum, you kept me. You kept me even though you knew it meant giving up all those things that you wanted. Thank you. This degree, this isn't just me trying to get out, this is me, trying to pay you back for everything you gave me by fulfilling all of my potential that you always, _always, _believed that I had.

Reason Number Three: My Torchwood team. How I love you guys (and I am well aware that you will read this one day, too). You all make me laugh. On my hardest days, on the ones where failing to dodge the stray, deadly alien projectile seems easier than making it through one more day, you're the ones who suggest a trip to the pizza parlor or trip and fall into a pile of slime. You are the ones that remind me that a world without the Doctor still has good things. _You all are the good things._ Thank you for working so hard, for giving up your lives to help me find the man I love. Martha, thank you for cups of tea and the never-ending shopping trips. Donna, thank you for being there and for the phone calls at two in morning to talk about boys. Amy, thank you for laughter and spunk and jokes that don't make quite sense. Rory, thank you for loving Amy as much as you do and for patching us up. Jenny, thank you for understanding the need to be in the sky, exploring and running.

Reason Number Four: Mickey. And, yes, technically, you are part of my team, but I wanted to talk to you specifically. You're not the tin dog any more, and one of my largest regrets was that I wasn't there to be there for you through every step of the way. I should have been. Thank you for loving me more than I can even begin to comprehend. And thank you for showing me just how much a person can grow. The reason that you're on this list isn't because I feel like I have to be here to babysit you. The reason that you are on this list is because I want to see just how amazing you become.

Reason Number Five: Mum. You've been there for me. Always. I can't count how many of your shirts I've ruined crying, how many nights I've kept you awake. But now I feel like it's my turn. I've left you more times than I really want to think about, yelled at you, thought that I hated you. And I'm sorry for that. I know this is short, but I love you. And now you know.

Reason Number Six: Tony. Tony, you're four right now and I can't imagine you any other way. I can't even begin to imagine what you will be like next year, never mind five, ten, twenty years from now. You're heart is so large. You're the reason that I buy chips for the begging people on the street corners because I know you would cry that night if I didn't. Tony, you're the reason that I try to be the good in this world. Because, it's not easy, but I never want you to wish that you could deny that you were my brother. I want you to be the four-year-old who asks me to sing Disney songs with you. I want you to always be the little boy who runs around in footie pajamas and comes and wakes me up when he has nightmares. Tony, on the hardest days of my life, you are the reason that I breathe. And don't you ever forget that.

Reason Number Seven: The blue police box on the corner. I have no idea how it got there, but about four months after I came to this universe, the same day that I came back for Bad Wolf Bay, actually; it was there. Just sitting on the corner, reminding me of you. At first I cried and screamed. I refused to eat; I would lie in bed and wish the universe would just end. I wanted life to end so that I wouldn't have to wake up in the morning and see the box. I wondered what sort of existence was worth the pain and the tears without you to make it all better. That blue box nearly ended my life. But then one day, something changed. I don't know what it was, but I woke up and I went to the window for the first time in weeks. I looked out and I saw that blue box and for the first time it wasn't taunting me, reminding me of all I had lost. The blue box reminded me of all that I could be. I could make the world better. I could smile and dance and laugh. I could be Dame Rose. I could become everything you always knew that I could be. And that day my life began. Thank you, Doctor, for the blue box on the street corner.

Love, always,

-Rose

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_The Doctor looks at the paper in his hand and can't quite manage to cry. He stumbles blindly to the window and with trembling fingers pulls back the curtain. He's just in time to see the big, blue police box shimmer out of existence with a noise unlike any other. On the sidewalk, where the box that the Doctor knows is not his TARDIS once sat, written in blue sidewalk chalk are the words "Bad Wolf."_

_Rose Tyler is off to see the stars once more._

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**Author's Note: HAPPY 2013! So, this story started out as just a little drabble. Which, then became an angst-y story and then a painfully sentimental...thing. I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you for being willing to read it and give me some of your time.**

** Make this the best year of your life,**

** -When In Doubt, Smile**


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